In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
