I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
