Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i will never coherently bang her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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