i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
