when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
