my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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