This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
