i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
