Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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