pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
