shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would fuck him just for his dog
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
