I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
