whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
