Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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