I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
