...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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