Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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