well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
