We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
