So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
