I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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