I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
