Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
