i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
