btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
