I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Success! We fucked roommates!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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