I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
