I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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