Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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