I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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