you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
