I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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