OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
