So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dignity is for republicans.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone says I win the strip club
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
