so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
