if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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