I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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