U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
