You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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