see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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