We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
false alarm, still single
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
