If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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