my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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