I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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