we're chasing vodka with high fives
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
