She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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