You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
