I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
