8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I looked at my own cervix.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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