Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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