He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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